Rose Perkins: My Journey (Topic of my Own Choosing)
I have experienced internal growth and several internal transformations during my life. One such internal journey involved figuring out my identity, which I still have not completely figured out. I started this internal journey in 8th grade. I went through several different phases of this process. At first, I believed I was pansexual. I identified this way for many years. However, I finally learned that I was actually a lesbian. I thought this was the final period of this identity crisis. However, I started debating this again. I still believe I am a lesbian. However, I sometimes use the word queer instead as I am not a hundred percent certain of this identity. While dealing with the sexuality identity, I also have questioned my gender identity. This identity is a little less figured out today. I have been trying to figure it out since 8th grade, and I still do not know what I am. I use they/she pronouns because I know I am not completely a girl, but I am also not a boy. I usually feel in the middle, but I also still feel closer to a girl. I use the term genderqueer to define myself since I have no idea what I actually am. Therefore, for now, I am a genderqueer lesbian, and I have given up trying to figure it out further. This identity crisis has caused many periods of mental health issues and a great period of mental growth. It has been an entire internal journey spanning five years of my life.
Another period of growth I experienced was dealing with my first relationship and figuring out what is good and bad to do. Once we broke up, I experienced a period of sadness and then a period of growth that taught me that I had been too clingy and had caused tension. Because of this growth, we are still friends today. Furthermore, I have experienced journeys with friends that have both continued and ended throughout the years. Each friend helped me grow as a person and taught me something new. Finally, the last period of growth I can pinpoint is figuring out what I want to do with my life. When I was younger, I wanted to be a scientist. Then, I wanted to be an author. Next, I wanted to be an actor, and I still want to be an actor today. However, I decided I needed a backup career, so I decided on psychology or astronomy. In my senior year, I took psychology, calculus, and physics, and realized I hate all of those subjects. I was stuck for a long time. Then it finally hit me: I am obsessed with mythology and classics, mostly Ancient Greece. I have been obsessed with these topics since elementary school. It finally dawned on me that I was meant to study classical studies here. I still do not know what to do with this degree, but I will figure that out in time. This journey has caused a lot of strain on myself due to the constant questions I received asking what I would do when I graduated. For a long time, it was stressful because I did not know. I still do not know, but at least I can now tell people what I am studying. All of these internal journeys of growth and transformation have shaped my life into what it is today.
Though I have experienced some parts of my life journey, and technically, being born is a call to adventure in and of itself, I believe that in my overarching life story, I have not yet experienced my main "call to adventure." There has not been a large and compelling enough event that has made it feel like I have started on the main journey of my life. Though we may not have magical powers and mystical beings such as in the Odyssey or Iliad, I want to think that during my life I will go on an adventure, whether physical or mental. I have yet to reach this point, but I am both anxious and excited to see where my main life journey and transformation will eventually take me.
Comments
Post a Comment